Dear Creator #009: Stop Speaking First

The power of sitting with the silence.

May 05, 2026

There’s a pattern I’ve noticed in most rooms I walk into. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a strategy meeting, a brainstorming session, or even a casual discussion. At some point, the conversation slows down, there’s a brief pause… and then people look to me. They’re waiting for me to say something, set direction, or make sense of things. And it’s not about competence. I’m often in rooms with very capable, intelligent people—people who have strong ideas and perspectives of their own. But there’s an unspoken assumption: Adaora will know what to do. And this has been true for most of my life.

The Part People Don’t See

From the outside, this kind of positioning looks like trust—and it is. But there’s a side to it that people don’t often talk about…The expectation that assumes you’ll always have the answer. The one that makes it feel like progress is waiting on you.

Reality check - I don’t always have the answers. Even when I do, I don’t always want to be the first to give them. Because sometimes I want the clarity to come from others.

Where the Cost Shows Up

One of the clearest ways I’ve experienced the cost of this is outside the room. A typical workday might end for everyone else when the task is done. Tools down. “Let’s pick this up tomorrow.” But for me, it often doesn’t end there. I get home, and I’m still in it. Messages to respond to. Decisions to make. Loose ends that somehow circle back to me. Things people are waiting on—sometimes explicitly, sometimes indirectly. It’s like everyone else leaves the site, but I’m still carrying the project. Again, this isn’t a complaint. Leadership comes with responsibility. That’s part of the role.

If you think about a ship, there are many people doing important work—but the captain is still the captain. The responsibility ultimately rests somewhere. But acknowledging that doesn’t mean we ignore the weight of it. Because there is a weight.

Why This Happens

If you find yourself in this position, it’s worth understanding why. People defer to patterns. If you’ve consistently been the person who steps in, solves problems, and moves things forward, people begin to rely on that. Not because they can’t contribute—but because they’ve learned that you will. It’s similar to a team that always passes the ball to the same player. Even when others are open, instinct takes over. Over time, that instinct becomes the default.

What I Had to Unlearn

For a long time, I thought my role in those moments was to fill the gap. If there was silence, I spoke. If there was confusion, I clarified. If there was hesitation, I moved things forward. It felt efficient and responsible. But I started to notice the downside. The more I stepped in, the less space there was for others to step up. And without realizing it, I was reinforcing the very dynamic that was exhausting me.

The Shift: Choosing Not to Speak First

One of the most important changes I’ve made is simple, but not easy: I don’t rush to speak anymore. Now, when I walk into a room where I’m expected to lead, I sometimes choose to stay quiet at the beginning. And when that familiar silence shows up—when everyone is waiting—I let it sit. It can feel uncomfortable. There’s an urge to step in and “save” the moment. But I’ve learned to resist it. Because when you don’t fill the gap, something else happens. Someone else does. And when they do, you start to hear perspectives you wouldn’t have heard otherwise. You see angles you may not have considered. You create room for ownership that doesn’t depend entirely on you.

What This Means for You

If you’re someone people naturally look to, there are two things to hold at the same time: First, it’s not accidental. It’s something you’ve built—through your presence, your consistency, and how you show up. Second, you don’t have to carry it the same way forever. You don’t have to be the first voice in every room. You don’t have to have every answer. You don’t have to absorb every unresolved thread after the day ends. Part of leadership is knowing when to step forward. Another part is knowing when to step back.

A More Sustainable Way to Lead

These days, I approach leadership differently. Sometimes I ask a question instead of giving an answer. Sometimes I redirect: “What do you think?”. Sometimes I let the silence do its work. And yes—there are still moments where I step in decisively. That hasn’t changed. But I’m no longer operating from the assumption that everything depends on me. Because it doesn’t. And it shouldn’t.

Being “the one” is powerful. But if you’re not careful, it can quietly become something you carry alone. The goal isn’t to reject leadership. It’s to practice it in a way that’s sustainable—for you and for the people around you.

Sometimes that means leading from the front. And sometimes, it means creating enough space for others to find their voice—without waiting for yours first.

What’s Inspiring Us Right Now

Reading:

Assembling Tomorrow by Scott Doorley & Carissa Carter (Stanford d.school)
What if today’s small decisions are quietly building tomorrow’s biggest problems? Stanford d.school’s beautifully illustrated guide to noticing, and redesigning, what we’re making. Part fiction, part non-fiction, this book reads like you’re going down rabbit holes of ‘what ifs,’ specifically about the things we’ve stopped noticing are shaping us.

Quoting:

“...Another important implication of the expanding role of design is the responsibility that comes with taking that attitude of inventiveness and creating products, experiences, and systems that change the world around you. When you design, you shape the world for others, whether you’re redesigning the evening routine for your family or an entire public health system.” - Sarah Stein Greenberg, Creative Acts for Curious People (book)

Listening to:

“Where Do We Go (Peggy Gou Remix)” by Ayra Starr & Peggy Gou
Two global forces collaborating: Afrobeats vocals x Berlin house bass!

Dear Creator is a space for honest conversations about building, creating, and executing in real time.

This isn’t a place for perfect answers or polished success stories. It’s a place to share what we’re learning as we build Crea8torium — the decisions we’re making, the things we’re getting right, the things we’re still figuring out, and the lessons that feel important enough to pass on.

Each edition will focus on a single idea we’ve been sitting with. Some will come from personal experience, some from conversations within our team and community, and some from the quiet moments that happen while you’re in the middle of building something that matters to you.

If you’re here, it’s probably because you’re building too — a project, a platform, a practice, or a life shaped by creativity. Our hope is that these letters make the journey feel a little less lonely, a little clearer, and maybe even a little shorter.

Thanks for being here.

— Crea8torium Team